About ChiknaBoy.Oh, and man breasts too.

I have rediscovered the joy of living. You know. The little things. Smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning. Listening to Matty saying inappropriate things on his Radio show. The tinkling sound of the little Feng Shui fountain of water that sits on my kitchen table. Reading the Times of India. Now, the 5 readers of this blog maybe surprised at that last statement. In the past I have made my feelings about the Times very clear. I thought it was horsecrap. But I have turned over a new leaf. Found my place in the karmic cycle of life. And laughed hysterically over these two gems. Really, someone should post a NSFW warning on the TOI website. But, that little quibble aside....The TOI is a work of art. And, as we all know...A thing of beauty, is a joy forever!

I could waste a lot of time and energy just admiring the sheer vapidity of the articles. Not to mention the innumerable grammatical errors. But it would end up as a 3000 word blogpost. And face it. I don't want to write that...and you ain't gonna read it. So, only a few comments on each article. Lets start with Chintu's Chiknaboy. The title's good. Alliteration is always awesomely amazing. The whole hoopla seems to be because Chiknaboy dropped his pants for a scene in a movie I haven't seen. Thats why all these paens are being sung to his body and how comfortable he is in his own skin. OK. Fair enough. He drops his pants, people notice. Good. I'm happy for Ranbir. Just one or two statements I take exception to.

A). He has his father’s innocence and vulnerability and the young Neetu’s exuberance and joi de vivre (sadly today Neetu has metamorphosed into an unsmiling though svelte older version).

Why all the Neetu hating? Seems uncalled for.

B). This young Adonis has had the unbelievable effect on women of all ages making them admit they love Ranbir for his body! This, in a culture where women are loathe to admit an interest in the male physique, where they will chide themselves for even an involuntary straying of the eyes towards forbidden areas!

Duh! We don't even have sex in our culture...so please....stop all this imagery of women as sexual creatures. Someone set the moral police on this journo please. She's corrupting innocent minds with all her talk of "looking" and "running-to-beds." Chee.

And now...my personal favorite:

C). And with him, he hopefully brings in an era where not just women, but even men drop clothes to win admirers. And where women are open about their admiration of the male form. Where not just female but even male assets are commodified, all in the name of fun and the box-office!

Is this journo for real? Where did she go to journalism school? Did they not teach her that the terms "commodification of assets"(even if it IS a tight male butt that is being commodified) and "fun" should never be in the same sentence? Lady, you need to move to the economics section of the newspaper. You with your big, fancy, economic-sounding words!

OK...moving on. Article No.2. Its one of those articles that makes me feel old. Because after a certain age its hard for your brain to process new concepts. And mine is collapsing under the intellectual weight of the phrase "male cleavage."(from here on referred to as MC) But they do have a picture to help the mentally challenged. I think I have a grasp of the bare bones of the concept. Its a very informative article. Especially for those who aspire to bare their MC.

But there are some questions that must never be asked. Like this one:

What’s the best way for a man to get a heaving bosom?

If I have to answer this(and I really don't want to!), I'd say sex change operation, dude!

Also, finally men get to have their own version of an eating disorder. Lucky them...it doesn't even involve food. And it has a guy sounding name: BIG-o-rexia Nervosa. Jerks! They turn "Ano" into "BIG" and suddenly its a disease! Whatever!

And for the grand finale:

By all means, pound the bench press and gallantly flaunt your ascent from a size S to an L. But be warned: Stop when you reach the ‘lean chiselled pec’, make sure that other parts of your torso too are growing in proportion to avoid looking like a heaving hustler and please leave the peep show to the gender that has been naturally blessed with them.

Yeah..guys. Make your OTHER body parts grow in proportion please. We need proportion. We are all for proportion. Boobs and Ass(get your mind out of the gutter!) must be proportionate to each other. Newton's 5th Law.