Lessons learnt from a wedding

So, as the 5 readers of this blog know, I'm big on looking on my life experiences as learning experiences. Last week I was at a wedding. A very nice wedding, as weddings go. I managed to embarrass myself about 6 times in the space of 3 days. So...I learnt a lot.

I walked past the bride's brother without saying hello.(Didn't recognise him..it'd been 4-5 years) Luckily he's the strong, silent type, so he didn't say much. Not wanting to repeat the same gaffe, I identified the wrong woman as the groom's mother and said hello. I received a cold "No, I'm not his mother!" accompanied by a very dirty look for my pains.

Lesson 1: When in doubt.....shut up!

I walked into the day-before-the-wedding pooja dressed to the nines (the word is jhang!), to find everyone in cotton salwar suits. I looked like a Christmas tree. It was mortifying.

Lesson 2: Better to dress down than up. Inconspicuous is way better than curious stares.

If you take enough pictures, you will be mistaken for a photographer. Then you have to oblige random people by taking their pictures.

Lesson 3: Err...the delete button exists for a reason!

I heard about 5 times in the space of 2 days...."tumhara number kab hai?"

Lesson 4: Its not hard to pin a smile on your face and mutter something polite, while thinking...I don't give a rat's ass and neither do you!

But, really my embarrassments pall in comparison to the poor sod I met at Mumbai airport. He was standing behind me in the queue, and he asked if I was just married, because of the mehendi. I said No, and he said he was. Then she showed me his right hand. He had the most florid, intricate mehendi I have ever seen. I couldn't help laughing. He had a pained expression on his face, as he explained how they "made him do it." However, he managed to restrict them to one hand. But then, he annoyed me by complaining about the chaos, the attitude(whatever that means!) and how he dislikes India etc. So, I didn't feel sorry for him anymore. He deserved 2 full hands of dark, red mehendi for being a stick-in-the-mud.

Lesson 5: I need to be more sociable. God knows how many funny stories I've missed in planes and trains and buses because I can't be bothered to talk to the person next to me.

Oh well..back to work tomorrow. Fun!

"Monkeying" around: The Great Indian Media Circus

Really, its been fun to hear them all have a go. Sometimes at each other. Mostly at the Aussies. My take on their take, and more importantly, how they looked and what they wore:

1). Sidhu: Usually wears the most immaculate turbans and ties. But yesterday's pink monstrosity was blinding. Absolutely blinding. And he was as grandiose and full of hot air as always. But interesting sound-bytes. Nonsense is always fun to watch.

2). Sanjay Manjrekar, is somehow, way better looking today, than he was 3 years ago. And he makes sense as well. Eye-candy and intelligence...that was a fun 10 minutes.

3). Kris Srikkanth: Aiyyo. Verbal diarrhoea personified.

4). Bishen Singh Bedi: Pompous old so-and-so. His suggestion to "take it lightly" was the joke of the day. This one has leapt beyond the realms of serious, into potentially, series threatening. But he was always a bit of a maverick.

5). Mandira Bedi: Hmm...she seemed genuinely upset. I can't really laugh at anything she said..which is kind of unfortunate..cos' she's an easy bunny otherwise.

6). Sonali Chander: Oh God! Brown bandh gala kurti. Fashion disaster, Sonali. I think she was going for the "tough woman" look. It just looked like she was too wound up. That said, she did try to keep "Sherry-sir" in check. Koshish karo Sonali. Aksar koshish hi kaamyaab hoti hai.(stolen from The Big B in one of his best movies-Sharaabi)

7). Rajdeep Sardesai and Arnab Goswami: RD always had a high pitched voice. And he usually chooses to yell his opinion rather than voice it. Its surprising how much like him Arnab has become. Bad, bad TV. They're not anchoring the show, they're weighing it down!

8). Srinivasan Jain: Ah...the very cool "Vasu". Seemed a trifle more in control than the other news anchors. Plus, the beard has always been very sexy. Therefore, very watchable. He's like the Harsha Bhogle of the Indian news media now. (Where's Harsha when you need him, btw?)

9). A word about Anil Kumble. Anyone who saw his interview with Harsha after the match could see how upset he was. He looked anguished. I'm glad he took the step of calling the Aussies for their churlish behaviour later on. Poor guy..captain for a month, and he has this to deal with. But, if there's a man for the situation..its him. He's da maan.

10). Burning question of the day: Did Sachin actually send an SMS to Sharad Pawar, or is it just media hype? Ratnakar Shetty says no SMS was sent. Sachin, of course, doesn't say anything. Unnamed sources say an SMS was sent, and it is primarily responsible for the BCCI's tough stance. Hmm...intrigue, suspense, drama. If Deepika would just shift camps from Yuvi to Bhajji(y'know...from spoilt brat to troubled, but upright underdog!), it would make it the complete Bollywood potboiler. Is that too much to ask?

Headline of the day!

Is this from the Nature website:

Drunken flies get hypersexual!

So...men get drunk and get horny. Duh..we know! Women get drunk, but not horny. Very debatable!! Read the article, its well written. The Shakespeare reference had me in splits. Apparently art and science do go hand in hand.

The vacation is almost over...I received a reminder in the form of an email (friendly reminder he calls it!) from the Graduate director of the cell bio program...I have a committee meeting due in a few months. I can see the mice I have to kill, the cells I have to transfect, the Co-IPs I have to perform, the Real-time PCRs that are waiting,the shRNA experiments that I shelved. In vivid technicolor. Not doing anything is boring. I've eaten, slept, shopped, and watched very bad TV until I want to scream. So, the prospect of going back to work is actually kind of exciting. Until I actually get back to work of course. When I will start complaining about my boss, labmates (for smelly food..they're very nice otherwise!), failed experiments and gloomy weather.

Still a week to go though..and with the wedding coming up, things might hot up a bit!

One other very random observation. This vacation, people have been strangely obsessed with my nose-stud. OK..its new. I just had my nose pierced 6 months ago. But who cares whether you like it or not? Every single person I know has an opinion.They like it. Its traditional(the oldies), its cool(the younger ones). They don't like it. Its looks like an impediment(the mamis). They like it, but shouldn't it have been a little lower. They like it, but the left side would have looked better. They don't like it, because they think it chokes up the entire nostril thus depriving me of oxygen!(Duh!!) Someone even wanted to know if I'd just stuck something on my nose to make it appear as if I'd pierced it.(Why, why, why would I do that?) I almost invited him to check it out for himself. Next time, I'll make sure to really shock them by piercing my eyebrow or something equally repulsive!

Getting Retro!

I've been peeking into ancient family albums.(very jobless of late!) I found all these wonderful pictures of people I grew up with. I'd forgotten how much fun we'd had together. All of the people in the 1st two pictures are now married with kids(barring self). Seems like yesterday that we were dressing up in silly clothes and painting our faces for a photo-op! The first picture has Shyam, Meera, Me, Priya and Rads with Prem looking on with a beatific smile. In the 2nd photo Shyam is carrying Vivek, while us girls do our thing...we giggle!







A few years have passed by since the last photo(awkward teenage mode has set in!) Meera holds Anand in her arms, with me and Priya completing the picture. Its the Nineties...hence the striped hairband and the ugly green shirt. I was a walking fashion faux pas those days!



Many years later... we're all party animals! Rads' expression in the second photo (almost apologetic for dancing) is priceless!





Prem ko ITNA gussa kyon aata hai? God...I hardly need a photo to remember that look! Right girls?



This is a rare, rare, event. Therefore, I felt it deserved to be recorded for posterity. Me...exercising!



My favorite of them all. I couldn't take my eyes off this one...Amma is just gorgeous in this photo. She's simply glowing. Oh...and I think I may have put that look on her face, seeing as thats me in her arms!

Its a mad, mad, mad world!

Because:

1). People are actually leaving their money to dogs. I'm just suprised they didn't build a grand mausoleum..ala the Taj Mahal, for the dead dog. People are far too vela and far too rich for their own good.

2). Steve Bucknor is still officiating in International cricket. The man is past it. Today's nick was atrociously loud. Deaf, senile Bucknor is testament to the poor standard of international umpiring. Usko nikalo yaar!

3). There is this shop called Tulsi in Tulsibag. Has everything under the sun. I've never been there, asked for something, and not gotten it. There is this ruthless efficiency coupled with general joie-de-vivre which makes me enjoy shopping in this place, inspite of the mad rush. Crazy thing is..no computer. No computer for the 546,846 things he stocks. Its all catalogued in the owner's head. Makes we wonder about what would happen if I went to a Shop and Stop in the US, and there's no computer. The pimply 16 year old who mans the checkout counter would probably have a panic attack.

Speaking of Tulsi, the owner is actually a classmate of a cousin of mine. They studied together till Class 8 or some such thing. Cousin stayed in touch with him, and went to visit him several years ago. Owner and cousin are chatting at his huge, plush 6000 square foot home. Owner's wife emerges with Tea. Owner introduces her to cousin saying: "This is the wife!" I kid you not. He said, "This is the wife." Like..this is the coffee table. Poor woman. To be "the wife". Cousin swallowed his mirth and his tea, before hastily leaving so he could laugh his heart out.
Anyway, by sneakily referring to this distant connection(she is attya to cousin who schooled with him) while paying the bill, my mom managed to wrangle a 150 Rs. discount from him today. No mean feat, I think.

4). There is a phrase in Tamizh for a person like me. It goes: Yemanda shonagiri. Loose translation: Loser! There's a reason why I'm affectionately (I assume!) referred to as "Gullible Bubble" in close family circles. The Lukkha wanted an ice-cream from the Kavre store in Tulsibaug. Being a good sister, and seeing as how he was laden with bags, I obliged. 2 minutes later he says..taste it..it doesn't taste like Chocolate..more like butterscotch. So, I take it from him and give it a lick. I pronounce it to be chocolate, and try to give it back.
Lukkha says: I don't like it. You can have it.
Me: But I don't want it.
Lukkha: Too bad. Its in your hand and I'm not taking it back. He has the gall to coolly walk away.
Me: Standing in the middle of Tulsibaug with an ice-cream that I don't want, feeling hard done by. I can't even throw it away. (lack of trash can + misplaced civic sense)
As usual, its Amma to the rescue. She finishes the orphaned ice-cream, ticks off errant lukkha, and soothes my rather frazzled feelings in about 3 minutes. The only reason this world stays sane: Moms.